One idea we must get past is that attack helps. With a little thought it can be easily seen that attack/judgment is part and parcel of separation, and we must accept that there is another way that is different and leads to the peace we want. When we have and troubles that hurt us there is a powerful gift buried within them. At first they may make us think that the world or certain people within it don’t care about us. Healing begins when we note that in our own hurt we really recognize that the message here is not that the world doesn’t care, but that it needs more caring added to it. That naturally begins with us.

What do we want most when we are hurt, or when we have been caught in hurtful errors of our own? Understanding, which means really compassion and forgiveness. We want to feel safe. As the Law of the Universe and of Consciousness is “what goes around comes around” we need to take then next spiritually rational step to see that we ourselves must add that compassion we would see in the world, so that it can be shared by all, can be learned by all, and eventually come back to us as well. And in this giving we receive the greatest gift, which is giving the high virtues that are in our heart.

I call compassion a “gateway” virtue because it helps us get past the barrier our own feelings of hurt, anger and defensiveness put up. When we sincerely look within we can see and feel in our own pain or embarrassment what is must feel like for others who are suffering the same, or have behaved in similar, less than enlightened ways. In our ordinary society we are tempted to judge others who err or who have seemed to hurt us, but looking at our own errors we can feel what they felt like, both the stresses and ignorance that led to our lacks or faults, as well as the shame, defensiveness, embarrassment and perhaps denial, as well as the stress of trying to change and become better than we were.

Here we can turn our own pain into a gift for others, and see that we indeed cannot judge them. This opens the gate to forgive them, to have compassion and refrain from judgment. And as we give this to others we learn to accept forgiveness and compassion ourselves. Innately knowing that we have increased our own virtue with compassion and forgiveness we feel better about ourselves, and so grow all the other virtues that we seek to embody. We become more loving, more kind and peaceful and more willing to give and receive goodness in our lives.

Compassion turns us around and lifts us out of our pit of despair or anger. We say, “Yes, I know what that’s like. I’m no different.” We all have human foibles, and we are all learning. Remember that it’s easier to learn from a kind teacher than a cruel one. End your judgment by passing through the gate of compassion. You will both learn and teach better than before.

© 2009 – 2010, Eric J Tischler. All rights reserved.

In all honesty, that is just another of the small self’s habits of shutting itself out of heaven. The reality is that you can change course again and “cut across the median” to get where you wanted to be. When faced with this sort of internal obstacle of self-limitation simply observe and move again to attain that goal you really want. Don’t let time or space rule you. That’s the basis of what I’m saying here. Attaining the divine goal is worth breaking the ego’s rules of self limitation and poor-me-ism.

As ACIM states, the basic question the Universe asks us is, “What do you want?” It’s always waiting to hear our next answer in every moment, and brings us just that. So when you find yourself in an oops moment, you can change direction again. Don’t think what has passed in time is carved in stone. There are options. This is the essence of forgiveness. Take charge and take advantage of the power to create that the Universe/Creator offers you in every new moment.

© 2009 – 2010, Eric J Tischler. All rights reserved.

Again, all negative emotion is about trying to get something from someone else. It operates in separation rather than Oneness, which works via vibration of consciousness. This is embodied in what is called manifesting or the law of attraction. When you try to change another by mere material world action you are fighting separation, but vibrational changes in your own consciousness circumvent the idea/domain of separation and operate in the Oneness from which all manifestation arises. Then you have no one to fight, beg, manipulate, appease, avoid, bargain with or hate. And there is no one to condemn. All behaviors you experience anywhere are matters of your own consciousness and not of others. You have no bothers outside yourself, and all your solutions are within.

The process of shifting from material avenues to vibrational/spiritual avenues is aided by disciplines that help change your brain – literally. To aid you in the overall process of spiritual growth I suggest meditation in particular. That will train your mind/brain to function on higher paths and enable you to be more peaceful, etc. Remember that meditation is also a form of exercise and just like any physical practice it may take time to build your meditation muscles. Like in learning anything, you literally grow new brain connections and even cells when you practice something so your brain can support it, and if you can do it just weakly at first you can get stronger, so have faith and keep at it. Acorns don’t give up because the aren’t oak trees yet, but they know they qualify and won’t consider anything else.

Another thing you have to be mindful of with a person participating in addiction is that his social life is likely tied into his vice. That will be a major challenge to overcome. Drug addicts and criminals backslide if they don’t change their social patterns. For some it means never associating with other users, but for others it means a firm spiritual change and resolution. He won’t be able to hang out in the pubs or bars or with friends while they are drinking. He will need to socialize with his friends in a different way, away for alcohol, or make other friends. He needs to understand that this is okay, and to understand that however much he cares about his friends, a toxic element in his life is poison to him and those he loves. Love them, leave them and know there are other people who will be wonderful friends who aren’t drinkers. Toxic is toxic.

There are absolute values – vibrationally speaking. That doesn’t mean we condemn those toxic things, but rather simply see toxic is not what we want and could never be. And as I state here, while this is a toxic behavior, the whole point of it is not merely to stamp it out but to clear out the other toxins, which are of our own consciousness – condemnation, unforgiveness, material attachments, the use of any sort of negativity to change your life or the life of another. All material toxins in your life – including the people in your life – arise from spiritual errors in your own consciousness. Clear them out and you will see your life and those around you rise with you.

Also, the alcoholic or any person in a harmful pattern needs to really grasp the low value of that behavior regardless of what others want from them or what they think they are getting out of it. They also have to decide they want something better and won’t compromise. Caring for others and self is critical in that decision. The universal law is that giving is receiving and receiving is giving. When they can quit drinking because they both care about others and themselves too much, then they will get progress in the process and gain traction. They have to have a reason, and giving out of spiritual love (not “if you love me you will…” but “because I love/value/care I won’t do that anymore”), both to self and others, and in freedom, is the most powerful motivator.

The power of acceptance and forgiveness are enormous. The earth turns on them, and could grind to a halt without them. How to accept? How to forgive? Abandon blame and judgment as a tool to get. Rather, receive by vibration. Just forgiving and accepting others as they are is itself a massive vibrational shift, and often that is all that is needed to create change, but do it not merely to make a change but because you mean it, because the flaw that needs to be fixed is not the external (materialistic) thing but the inner spiritual error of not forgiving and accepting. Look at the outer flaw as merely an indicator, stimulation, for pointer to the next spiritual “cleanup” for your own inner workings. Bless it and thank God that this has come to you so you can attain your most precious desire, which is expression of Spiritual Truth, love and peace in this world.

The core of the whole situation is the inner, spiritual process you are there for. Whatever this is about, the inner solutions to your ego consciousness are the whole point of the matter. This focus is the difference between materialism, which is trying to change the outer due to person to person desires, and spiritual practice, which is all about you changing your consciousness regardless of the supposedly proper outer outcome you might desire or get.

Remember you are not here to change him but to serve Truth through your own growth in your relationship with him. If it is indeed in the cards to bring him out of alcoholism, then it will happen, but your experience, whatever that will be, is cued directly out of your own consciousness and lesson needs. If ultimately you “fail” to bring him out of alcoholism but succeed in your own lessons and growth, then that is a total success. You must be willing for that to happen, as if he has chosen to remain that way – perhaps for the larger purpose of later being a motivation for others to come – then love him despite it, even if you have to go your own way personally or professionally. You don’t have to prove yourself by fixing him. Let go of that. The whole point of your existence is love and other aspects of spiritual truth.

Note: Alcoholism is a big issue, especially when the body and mind have been conditioned to it for so long, but it’s not necessarily difficult to overcome – for both of you. ACIM says, “Nothing is difficult that is wholly desired.” Yet beware of fix-him-ism. Don’t be attached to changing the other person. Rather, desire greater wellness in all the world, and build it through your own spiritual process.

Get and read a book called Co-Dependent No More by Melodie Beattie, and/or other books by the same author or other books recommended on co-dependency. You will be amazed at the pervasiveness of co-dependency.

© 2009 – 2010, Eric J Tischler. All rights reserved.