The real battlefield is within the self. Externally a situation may demand involvement with the motions of physical battle, even if it is just speaking your mind externally, but nothing will change if that which is within the consciousness of the individual does not changes. Yet one person’s change can affect thousands, even millions, because his or her consciousness determines the responses of all around. Imagine then if a hundred people genuinely change their consciousness.

There are places and times where we are confronted with a physical manifestation of the internal conflicts in the consciousness of the mass mind of humanity. The individual wanting peace, wanting to live a spiritually founded life is in turmoil as there seems to be an attacker. What must he do? Gandhi taught us nonviolence. A non-violent battle is one where there is no violation, meaning the person engaged in it sees he is just acting out manifestations of unconsciousness in a field of illusions, yet created in oneness with all. He sees no otherness, thus is not violating other. There are no victims and no attackers. Yet at the same time he sees that those he attacks are his own self projected, and those who attack him are his self projected, and that the root of these manifestations is his own consciousness.

And so that is where he turns to make peace, and brings it forth in his words and actions wherever possible, seeing others not as other but as extensions of self into the world of manifestation. Where it seems he must fight externally he does so with wisdom, love and compassion, remembering the suffering of all “others” is his own. He strives to survive externally so that he may live another day to bring by intention yet more light and the dawn of awakening to himself and his fellows everywhere. He strives to have mercy on his brothers and sisters, to give them a chance to awaken, and in battling them do what he can merely to prevent their harm of others, remembering that all combatants are merely magnetized to each other’s inner issues, and that if it were not for those issues, peace would reign.

What goes around comes around. What you are will be reflected back to you in the world of manifestation. There is no escaping this, which is fortunate, or else you would never have any motivation to change and become a brighter light in the world. Ignorance is not bliss, it is hell. Just look around you. All the world’s troubles are born of ignorance of self, ignorance of others, ignorance of real value, ignorance of the price we pay for not caring, for not loving, for not forgiving. That is the core issue: worth. Outer conflict comes from inner conflict and ignorance of worth – of self and all. The battles it produces inevitably always diminish the world around us, manifesting that inner desolation outwardly.

Another distinction to make is how spirituality and materialism relate to this issue. When we blame others and material events and conditions we are being materialistic. When we take inner responsibility, heal and change with an uplifted spiritual position, we are basing our lives on spirit. This is the technical crux of the issue: what creates your reality, and what reality do you want. Either it’s someone else’s fault and a cost to you (materialism), or it can be to your (spiritual) credit and a gift to all.

Gandhi had it right. Just look at the most basic of human instruction: a little child, unhappy with something, will strike out physically. What do we teach them? “Use your words” to resolve it. Talk it out. Listen. Give and take. Don’t hit. God yes, Gandhi had it right. So did Mom. So simple, so basic.

Ultimately we come to a realization that even to think of others as separate is an act of violence. Non-violence thus must begin within the self, both spiritually and in one’s external actions wherever possible. Only then will violence be ended in the outer world. Only then will we bring the heaven that is available within our hearts into manifestation for ourselves and all.

© 2010, Eric J Tischler. All rights reserved.

Anyway, during this visit of about 5 days, as time progressed I found myself running into these same old and new frustrations and getting more and more impatient and bothered, and as much as I tried to behave myself my irritation was becoming an irritation to her as well. I didn’t want that. She couldn’t help being as she was, whether due to personality or age, and it wasn’t my job to change her, even if I could. Being the sort of person who always wants to become more at peace and loving, I naturally questioned my behavior and found a solution.

I observed that my irritation was not about my mother’s behavior but about my “needs” and as a result I was denying her a comfortable experience of my presence. I was there for both of us to enjoy each other’s company, but what was happening was I was complaining about what I was not getting. It was about me, not us. I was being selfish and grasping. I’m sure that there was some element of my child self that was still trying to get the kind of ideal mother experience that I had not quite had all those years. Overall, she was a good mother, and still, I wanted her to be a certain way. I also wanted her not to fade away into old age and become even less of the perfect mother I had dreamed of. But that’s not life.

Life is how you are in the world, not how others are to you. The child self is all about getting things and experiences for itself, for it survival and growth. As we grow up we need to transition to self-sufficiency and learn to give. Giving is what builds the world. “Getting-ism” is the world’s big problem. People grab and complain and take and hoard. And if they are “generous” it is too often to get something in return, even if it’s only a thank you, and then they complain about not getting a thank you. That’s not giving. They complain about others because, like a child, they are not getting what they want. As a result they themselves add to the world more irritation, yet another who is not a giving person but a getter.

So what did I do about my mom? I did nothing but to stop trying to get an experience just for me, and was mindful of what I was giving her. What did she want? To be loved as she is. What do I want? To love her as she is, and to be that kind of person who is myself not an irritation, which is what I was becoming over the course of those five days.

I’m not perfect myself. I’m sure there are things I do that are not another person’s ideal, but that’s me. They may be just personality traits or actual imperfections, but I’m me, and I do my best. So does my mom. So do we all; and what we can do better is offer to each other peace and patience, and not just mere tolerance.

Gandhi said to be the change you want to see in the world. I changed myself, but not to change my mother. Yet I did change my experience of her. While she was still the way she was, and I still have to experience her limitations and personality quirks, they are no longer irritating. I love her. I let her be, and I am a better person for it. And she in turn has a better experience of me and of life. I gave her something: peace. I have grown up.

© 2010, Eric J Tischler. All rights reserved.

One idea we must get past is that attack helps. With a little thought it can be easily seen that attack/judgment is part and parcel of separation, and we must accept that there is another way that is different and leads to the peace we want. When we have and troubles that hurt us there is a powerful gift buried within them. At first they may make us think that the world or certain people within it don’t care about us. Healing begins when we note that in our own hurt we really recognize that the message here is not that the world doesn’t care, but that it needs more caring added to it. That naturally begins with us.

What do we want most when we are hurt, or when we have been caught in hurtful errors of our own? Understanding, which means really compassion and forgiveness. We want to feel safe. As the Law of the Universe and of Consciousness is “what goes around comes around” we need to take then next spiritually rational step to see that we ourselves must add that compassion we would see in the world, so that it can be shared by all, can be learned by all, and eventually come back to us as well. And in this giving we receive the greatest gift, which is giving the high virtues that are in our heart.

I call compassion a “gateway” virtue because it helps us get past the barrier our own feelings of hurt, anger and defensiveness put up. When we sincerely look within we can see and feel in our own pain or embarrassment what is must feel like for others who are suffering the same, or have behaved in similar, less than enlightened ways. In our ordinary society we are tempted to judge others who err or who have seemed to hurt us, but looking at our own errors we can feel what they felt like, both the stresses and ignorance that led to our lacks or faults, as well as the shame, defensiveness, embarrassment and perhaps denial, as well as the stress of trying to change and become better than we were.

Here we can turn our own pain into a gift for others, and see that we indeed cannot judge them. This opens the gate to forgive them, to have compassion and refrain from judgment. And as we give this to others we learn to accept forgiveness and compassion ourselves. Innately knowing that we have increased our own virtue with compassion and forgiveness we feel better about ourselves, and so grow all the other virtues that we seek to embody. We become more loving, more kind and peaceful and more willing to give and receive goodness in our lives.

Compassion turns us around and lifts us out of our pit of despair or anger. We say, “Yes, I know what that’s like. I’m no different.” We all have human foibles, and we are all learning. Remember that it’s easier to learn from a kind teacher than a cruel one. End your judgment by passing through the gate of compassion. You will both learn and teach better than before.

© 2009 – 2010, Eric J Tischler. All rights reserved.