A World of Meaning » Forgiveness

The Key to Non-violence in a Battle-prone World

Eric J Tischler — Sun, 09 May 2010 05:01:52 +0000

We live in a world with many troubles arising. Land disputes, economic turmoil, religious conflicts, demands for freedom and respect, struggles for safety from hostile outsiders. We wonder how to have peace, how to end wars, how to stop others from hating us or our country, and some feel a duty to go to war. We are tired – but not tired enough – of the battlefield. We live in a culture of finger pointing, denial and projection. We don’t know who we are and we don’t now who our brothers and sisters are. We are ignorant. Why all this strife? It is merely that we don’t see where the battlefield is in truth. If we did, all would settle down instantly.

The real battlefield is within the self. Externally a situation may demand involvement with the motions of physical battle, even if it is just speaking your mind externally, but nothing will change if that which is within the consciousness of the individual does not changes. Yet one person’s change can affect thousands, even millions, because his or her consciousness determines the responses of all around. Imagine then if a hundred people genuinely change their consciousness.

There are places and times where we are confronted with a physical manifestation of the internal conflicts in the consciousness of the mass mind of humanity. The individual wanting peace, wanting to live a spiritually founded life is in turmoil as there seems to be an attacker. What must he do? Gandhi taught us nonviolence. A non-violent battle is one where there is no violation, meaning the person engaged in it sees he is just acting out manifestations of unconsciousness in a field of illusions, yet created in oneness with all. He sees no otherness, thus is not violating other. There are no victims and no attackers. Yet at the same time he sees that those he attacks are his own self projected, and those who attack him are his self projected, and that the root of these manifestations is his own consciousness.

And so that is where he turns to make peace, and brings it forth in his words and actions wherever possible, seeing others not as other but as extensions of self into the world of manifestation. Where it seems he must fight externally he does so with wisdom, love and compassion, remembering the suffering of all “others” is his own. He strives to survive externally so that he may live another day to bring by intention yet more light and the dawn of awakening to himself and his fellows everywhere. He strives to have mercy on his brothers and sisters, to give them a chance to awaken, and in battling them do what he can merely to prevent their harm of others, remembering that all combatants are merely magnetized to each other’s inner issues, and that if it were not for those issues, peace would reign.

What goes around comes around. What you are will be reflected back to you in the world of manifestation. There is no escaping this, which is fortunate, or else you would never have any motivation to change and become a brighter light in the world. Ignorance is not bliss, it is hell. Just look around you. All the world’s troubles are born of ignorance of self, ignorance of others, ignorance of real value, ignorance of the price we pay for not caring, for not loving, for not forgiving. That is the core issue: worth. Outer conflict comes from inner conflict and ignorance of worth – of self and all. The battles it produces inevitably always diminish the world around us, manifesting that inner desolation outwardly.

Another distinction to make is how spirituality and materialism relate to this issue. When we blame others and material events and conditions we are being materialistic. When we take inner responsibility, heal and change with an uplifted spiritual position, we are basing our lives on spirit. This is the technical crux of the issue: what creates your reality, and what reality do you want. Either it’s someone else’s fault and a cost to you (materialism), or it can be to your (spiritual) credit and a gift to all.

Gandhi had it right. Just look at the most basic of human instruction: a little child, unhappy with something, will strike out physically. What do we teach them? “Use your words” to resolve it. Talk it out. Listen. Give and take. Don’t hit. God yes, Gandhi had it right. So did Mom. So simple, so basic.

Ultimately we come to a realization that even to think of others as separate is an act of violence. Non-violence thus must begin within the self, both spiritually and in one’s external actions wherever possible. Only then will violence be ended in the outer world. Only then will we bring the heaven that is available within our hearts into manifestation for ourselves and all.

Does Your Mother Irritate You? How to Stop It.

Eric J Tischler — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:27:09 +0000

A few years ago I went back east to visit my elderly mother. She was about 86 at the time. She is still pretty sharp, but getting a bit inattentive, unfocused, momentarily forgetful and so forth. That can get frustrating. Aside from that, she’s still the person she has always been, which, frankly, could get irritating as well. There have always been things she did that were irritating. And now, as an old lady, there are a few more.

Anyway, during this visit of about 5 days, as time progressed I found myself running into these same old and new frustrations and getting more and more impatient and bothered, and as much as I tried to behave myself my irritation was becoming an irritation to her as well. I didn’t want that. She couldn’t help being as she was, whether due to personality or age, and it wasn’t my job to change her, even if I could. Being the sort of person who always wants to become more at peace and loving, I naturally questioned my behavior and found a solution.

I observed that my irritation was not about my mother’s behavior but about my “needs” and as a result I was denying her a comfortable experience of my presence. I was there for both of us to enjoy each other’s company, but what was happening was I was complaining about what I was not getting. It was about me, not us. I was being selfish and grasping. I’m sure that there was some element of my child self that was still trying to get the kind of ideal mother experience that I had not quite had all those years. Overall, she was a good mother, and still, I wanted her to be a certain way. I also wanted her not to fade away into old age and become even less of the perfect mother I had dreamed of. But that’s not life.

Life is how you are in the world, not how others are to you. The child self is all about getting things and experiences for itself, for it survival and growth. As we grow up we need to transition to self-sufficiency and learn to give. Giving is what builds the world. “Getting-ism” is the world’s big problem. People grab and complain and take and hoard. And if they are “generous” it is too often to get something in return, even if it’s only a thank you, and then they complain about not getting a thank you. That’s not giving. They complain about others because, like a child, they are not getting what they want. As a result they themselves add to the world more irritation, yet another who is not a giving person but a getter.

So what did I do about my mom? I did nothing but to stop trying to get an experience just for me, and was mindful of what I was giving her. What did she want? To be loved as she is. What do I want? To love her as she is, and to be that kind of person who is myself not an irritation, which is what I was becoming over the course of those five days.

I’m not perfect myself. I’m sure there are things I do that are not another person’s ideal, but that’s me. They may be just personality traits or actual imperfections, but I’m me, and I do my best. So does my mom. So do we all; and what we can do better is offer to each other peace and patience, and not just mere tolerance.

Gandhi said to be the change you want to see in the world. I changed myself, but not to change my mother. Yet I did change my experience of her. While she was still the way she was, and I still have to experience her limitations and personality quirks, they are no longer irritating. I love her. I let her be, and I am a better person for it. And she in turn has a better experience of me and of life. I gave her something: peace. I have grown up.

Healing Inner and Outer Pain – Part 3 of 3

Eric J Tischler — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 22:29:38 +0000

I am always doing inner work in other areas, too, so it wasn’t just the sciatica motivating me, but it did give me more concrete motivation. This inner work, rather than chiropractic or anything else, actually led to the greatest improvement in my pain condition.

The greatest reduction of my actual physical pain came when I was sitting in contemplation and there came a moment when I was able to forgive my father for something – I don’t recall what – and my sciatica pain immediately dropped by about seventy-five percent. Immediately! This supports the age old teachings that essentially all suffering is born of some form of unforgiveness of grief and grievance. All that goes on in the body is something that has its origins in the mind. Our unkind and frightened beliefs have us at war with ourselves and others and our bodies, relationships and lives in general pay the price.

If you think about it, any time you are holding onto a grievance or are judging another, which is just not forgiving them for being the way they are, you are causing yourself pain. We are taught to complain and judge as if that would solve our problems. We think that judging others for their faults or differences gives us a higher social status, even when nobody really ever knows who we are judging for what. Think about that for a minute. You are up, they are down. People with a more open heart know this is painful, and their compassion prevents them from judging.

Those who don’t see the pain in it don’t really see their own pain, but it’s there. I have seen the difference between being in what I would call an everyday sort of judgmental state, and suddenly letting go of all judgment. I recall one day when I had been doing prayer-mantras, thanking God for healing my mind. After a while I noticed that everything I was looking at as I drove the freeways and roads of Las Vegas on my errands that day had a sort of screen of negativity over it, but I could see it was my own negativity. I was judging everything is a subtle way.

Noticing this I next found myself able to just stop the judgment and just see things as they were. The difference was amazing. On, off, on, off; I saw both sides. Again, it was amazing. When I let go of judgment I felt really good, happy, and everything I saw as I drove looked okay. It was peaceful. In the judgment mode I found I was indeed in a subtle but clear state of mental and emotional pain, and I could see that it was all my doing.

Observe yourself in this way. When you look at things and people, are your perhaps maintaining a low grade disdain or disapproval of them? As I sit here and look at my messy desk I can see that I have a bit of a judgment haze going on still. I have to ask myself what does that do for me? Does it get me to neaten up? No. Does it excuse it to others, winning points for me because at least I’m expressing disapproval of it as they may be? No. Does it make me happy? No.

Judgment is painful. Judgmental people are a pain. Nothing good comes of it. I would have to say that ending judgment and learning forgiveness are essential to a pain free life.

So this post is primarily testimony to you that the pain of the pain you are in is your own creation. What you do with this information is up to you. For those suffering physical pain it is certainly a massive challenge to transcend the experience of pain in this way, and a major achievement in one’s personal psychology. Yet a broader application, that of looking at the distressing situations of your life and finding yourself able to be at peace, even happy in the face of them – and especially to forgive them – will transform you life forever.

It takes determined practice to change your life long responses to pain or displeasure of any sort. One has to change core beliefs and behaviors that depend on the idea of being helpless and crying out to others to fix things in your life. While it’s fine to ask for help when you need it, a deeper understanding of the ego tells you that all of its emotional distress is based on getting others to fix things, or around pinning the blame on them for what went wrong. What you will face in this very worthwhile task is a brain that has grown neuron connections to support the ideas of blame and helplessness. Yet by practicing other ways of thinking you grow new neuron connections and those that are disused are gradually reabsorbed.

Don’t let the challenge discourage you. Think of it like learning anything you have learned before, such a playing a musical instrument, typing, dancing, lines for a play, a language and so forth. All you are doing is training yourself to do something new, and something that is really closer to your heart. In fact, underneath the learned negative behavior is your true nature, which is loving, forgiving, peaceful and strong. So you are really just learning to be who you really are. Take heart. There is great hope. Don’t beat yourself up when you see you still have more to learn. Feeling bad would just be more of the same old way of thinking. Just keep practicing. Be happy you know what to do.

PS: I did, after several months, discover that Advil worked perfectly for my sciatica pain, without addiction or high cost. No other medication did. I did at times have to take three pills, but it worked. Even so, I didn’t discover the ibuprofen trick for a while, and as you can tell, that was certainly an education, one for which I am grateful.

A Surprise “Ending” to Agony – Part 2 of 3

Eric J Tischler — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 22:27:05 +0000

One all important experience occurred on a day off from work, when my pain was so severe all I could do was lay on my bedroom floor in agony. I think I was laying there for over an hour, trying to position myself in such a way that the pain would perhaps be less. It seemed nothing I could do was working. It tried all sorts of positions, both physical and mental, enduring, feeling forgiving, crying and even begging God. Maybe that helped.

After laying there for a while something occurred that illuminated my whole understanding of pain of all sorts, both physical and emotional. Suddenly, as I was lying there, the pain just stopped bothering me. Or rather, I stopped reacting emotionally to the pain. No, I didn’t go numb, nor was I even trying to ignore it, yet my mood became totally peaceful, unconcerned, and almost happy, as if there were nothing wrong. The physical pain itself had not changed at all, and was amazingly just as intense, yet I felt no distress or anguish. Perhaps I had somehow just stopped trying to do anything about it, having exhausted my efforts in all other directions, although it wasn’t apathy, surrender or passivity.

What happened? Looking back all I can say is that I had stopped complaining about it or interacting or fighting it. As I (will) write elsewhere, I have come to understand, from long observation, that all negative emotion, including agonizing over physical pain, is a deliberate action, not a “natural” reaction as some are fond of saying, which is hoped and believed to bring a remedy from someone else. It can be automatic, as many people live their lives as if unconsciously re-acting automatically to stimuli rather than consciously choosing to act.

Pain, anguish and other negative emotion is essentially a cry for help or mercy. Either you are asking for someone to help or defend you, or you are pleading for mercy from your attacker, or both. However, if one could operate on a purely logical, rational basis regarding pain, understanding this would make it possible to simply not react to it emotionally and to be able to function even cheerful while still feeling the physical pain, even without medication, including during surgery, which some are reportedly able to do. We have heard of yogis and other “dare devils” of physical stunts who undergo things like body piercing and such by mental discipline or force of will to not feel or react to any pain involved. They call it mind over matter, but really it’s logic over emotion.

What did this experience tell me? It proved to me what we have all heard at some point that all of the distress of physical pain as well as psychological stress is purely a personal reaction. Yes, this is NOT new to the field of psychology at all. I haven’t discovered fire here, but I have experienced the truth of this fact first hand, and it’s an important thing to understand.

I am grateful that in the course of my life I’ve never been in any sort of extreme physical pain other than this sciatica. I’ve been blessed with good health and physical integrity, but the sciatica came and stayed and didn’t leave until I had learned a few things. And I do truly believe that everything happens so we can learn and become healed inwardly and more whole spiritually, as follows.

One thing I learned was to have real compassion for people who are in severe pain. Due to the peer abuse I was subject to in my teen years my natural compassion for others got buried under a callus of unforgiveness for those abusers, a learned veneer of “toughness” a lot of men learn as teens to appear not soft. Yet compassion is one of the most important qualities and it ends judgment and opens the door of the heart.

Over the years I have managed to heal a great deal of my feelings from those events and have rediscovered my buried love and forgiveness, yet sometimes it takes a more solid experience to drive a lesson home. I believe being immersed in this pain was an unavoidable lesson brought to me by the Creator, a merciful challenge to reawaken my compassion. As there was nothing I could do for the pain I had to rely on this inner purpose. I knew I needed to truly wake up and open up my heart that much more.

Next post: Healing Inner and Outer Pain

A Pain-free Life – Part 1 of 3

Eric J Tischler — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 22:23:49 +0000

Physical pain is a big issue for a lot of people. We hear about many entertainers and actors who have admitted to becoming addicted to pain medication due to back injuries or other sorts of problems. Careful pain management is an important part of their recovery, and there are of course numerous approaches to both pain management and to healing the cause of the pain. Unfortunately, many people lack the time or money to obtain the best care and either end up with chronic pain, or drug dependency after the actual pain is gone.

There are many approaches to healing and dealing with physical pain. Medication is one, and it can make life tolerable in the short term. There are many sorts of physical therapy, and surgery, but unfortunately most mainstream doctors rarely know of, understand or believe in the alternatives that have helped millions. I myself have had great help at times with chiropractic, for example. It amazes me when I meet people who completely dismiss chiropractic without having experienced it, or because their doctor said it’s hogwash. I’ve used it for various needs for over thirty years and it saved me numerous times. Where a conventional doctor would have given me a pill and heating pad that would do nothing, my chiropractor did an adjustment and I was better in minutes.

There was however a time where my chiropractors ran into a challenge. In 2002, while at my brother’s for Christmas, I developed a case of sciatica on the left side that made the six hour holiday traffic drive home sheer agony. I had to stop every fifteen to thirty minutes to get out and stand just so I could keep from going crazy with the pain.

When I got back home to Las Vegas I went to my chiropractor, who gave me a stretching exercise, which was supposed to help in time, but after about a week there was a day when I stretched, perhaps incorrectly, and the pain got much worse and stayed that way. Needless to say I wasn’t happy with that chiropractor, and even a few more visits didn’t do much good. So I went to another, who was boasted of being the “sciatica king” but he just gave me the same stretching exercise that led to the worst pain, another who was okay, and another who made a little more progress, but as my funds were limited I had to limit my visits. Overall, I got little help from chiropractic in my case of sciatica. The real help came from within.

Let me note here that as you read you will come to see why these different chiropractors could not help me in this instance. They have helped me in many instances, and I still go to them when needed. But even at that, believe me when I tell you that I have seen nine different chiropractors over the course of thirty years and they are all different. Some are excellent; some are very much not, so don’t dismiss chiropractic based on one doctor or one story.

I even went to an osteopath, which is like a cross between a chiropractor and an MD, but unfortunately he seemed uninterested in really helping and gave me a prescription for Lortab, which worked a while, but when it expired after a week he wouldn’t renew the prescription because it could be addictive, and I was high and dry with my rather severe pain. When I called him a few weeks later he had closed practice.

Sciatica can be really bad. The pain I felt would usually be tolerable if I was standing, and a bit less so if I was sitting, but if I sat a while and stood up I would have a period of about five to ten seconds where I just about jumped out of my skin. At work I learned to anticipate this surge of pain and keep composure until the pain subsided. Again, I had no medication and this period of sciatica pain went on for about six months. Not fun.

This was going to be a trial, for sure. Being oriented to personal and spiritual growth I was prepared to look for important lessons with this powerful motivation. I found plenty. It was one of the best worst times of my life.

Next Post: A Surprise “Ending” to Agony

Compassion: A Gateway Virtue

Eric J Tischler — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 22:11:29 +0000

In our times we may feel like we are finding more and more need to do something inwardly to remedy the increasing pressures and stresses of our outward life and world. As spiritually oriented persons we understand the need for change within ourselves so that we may live in more peace within our own lives and also to contribute more peace to the world. We see our own issues and know we need to forgive and love more. That is the task of our lives: to love and accept love. Yet we find there is a barrier or gap we must cross in order to get there. Our recalcitrant egos don’t seem to want to easily let go of grievances and grief. We need some way of getting through.

The trials of our lives bring us often to react in pain and resistance. It’s natural for the animal self to want to attack the problem, but the animal self is at the far end of the consciousness spectrum as we have projected ourselves into materiality and matter-based identification. Separation-mindedness leads us to think the problem is outside of ourselves, but we must learn that separation is born only of judgement and is there for an illusion. We must use our minds to pull us back from believing in separation as a reality, to reach a point where we can hear our hearts again. Many people think that thinking doesn’t help, but as ACIM states, “changing concepts is salvation’s task.”

One idea we must get past is that attack helps. With a little thought it can be easily seen that attack/judgment is part and parcel of separation, and we must accept that there is another way that is different and leads to the peace we want. When we have and troubles that hurt us there is a powerful gift buried within them. At first they may make us think that the world or certain people within it don’t care about us. Healing begins when we note that in our own hurt we really recognize that the message here is not that the world doesn’t care, but that it needs more caring added to it. That naturally begins with us.

What do we want most when we are hurt, or when we have been caught in hurtful errors of our own? Understanding, which means really compassion and forgiveness. We want to feel safe. As the Law of the Universe and of Consciousness is “what goes around comes around” we need to take then next spiritually rational step to see that we ourselves must add that compassion we would see in the world, so that it can be shared by all, can be learned by all, and eventually come back to us as well. And in this giving we receive the greatest gift, which is giving the high virtues that are in our heart.

I call compassion a “gateway” virtue because it helps us get past the barrier our own feelings of hurt, anger and defensiveness put up. When we sincerely look within we can see and feel in our own pain or embarrassment what is must feel like for others who are suffering the same, or have behaved in similar, less than enlightened ways. In our ordinary society we are tempted to judge others who err or who have seemed to hurt us, but looking at our own errors we can feel what they felt like, both the stresses and ignorance that led to our lacks or faults, as well as the shame, defensiveness, embarrassment and perhaps denial, as well as the stress of trying to change and become better than we were.

Here we can turn our own pain into a gift for others, and see that we indeed cannot judge them. This opens the gate to forgive them, to have compassion and refrain from judgment. And as we give this to others we learn to accept forgiveness and compassion ourselves. Innately knowing that we have increased our own virtue with compassion and forgiveness we feel better about ourselves, and so grow all the other virtues that we seek to embody. We become more loving, more kind and peaceful and more willing to give and receive goodness in our lives.

Compassion turns us around and lifts us out of our pit of despair or anger. We say, “Yes, I know what that’s like. I’m no different.” We all have human foibles, and we are all learning. Remember that it’s easier to learn from a kind teacher than a cruel one. End your judgment by passing through the gate of compassion. You will both learn and teach better than before.

How to Free Yourself from Your Mistakes

Eric J Tischler — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:54:17 +0000

Often times when you make a mistake or seem to fail to maintain a higher quality you are aiming at spiritually, in an outward or inward goal, you will find yourself feeling bad about it. Of course, we are taught to forgive and move on, having learned something – we hope – but we also may assume that we have set ourselves on a lesser course in that instance. You may find yourself thinking, “What have I done to myself now!” and think you have missed the boat and can’t regain the ground you lost.

In all honesty, that is just another of the small self’s habits of shutting itself out of heaven. The reality is that you can change course again and “cut across the median” to get where you wanted to be. When faced with this sort of internal obstacle of self-limitation simply observe and move again to attain that goal you really want. Don’t let time or space rule you. That’s the basis of what I’m saying here. Attaining the divine goal is worth breaking the ego’s rules of self limitation and poor-me-ism.

As ACIM states, the basic question the Universe asks us is, “What do you want?” It’s always waiting to hear our next answer in every moment, and brings us just that. So when you find yourself in an oops moment, you can change direction again. Don’t think what has passed in time is carved in stone. There are options. This is the essence of forgiveness. Take charge and take advantage of the power to create that the Universe/Creator offers you in every new moment.

Finding Heaven On Earth

Eric J Tischler — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:45:39 +0000

The only evil in this world is our own repetition of the negativity of others. We are exposed to judgment and all manner of negative behaviors and responses to what happens, including fear, all during our lives. We have to make the choice in each moment to respond to our experiences in a better way than we have been shown. We have been judged and didn’t like it, yet despite our dislike of judgment we learned to judge others and ourselves as if that were a virtue or socially useful behavior. How can we take on and continue a behavior we didn’t like to be exposed to in the first place?

When I was growing up I was picked on a fair amount. I picked up the habit of judging as I was judged, and for years treated myself as badly as the other kids did. I also learned to judge others in subtle and not so subtle ways. I was out of high school but I carried high school around inside me for a couple of decades. I had become my own enemy, all because of how others demonstrated how I should be treated, and how one treated others.

It should be obvious, but do you realize that having any sort of disapproval of what or how someone is doing something is judgment and is as harsh as any attack? How often do you see someone dressed a certain way and you “don’t like it” or “don’t care for it”? So what? Do you want to live in a world that is like your high school where anyone who was a little different was looked down on? And do you really want to do that to yourself?

Free yourself from others judgments by freeing yourself from judging others, and thus end your playing along with, yes, the only evil in the world. Don’t judge yourself. The best experience one can have is non-judgment – feeling accepted as you are, imperfections and all, but also accepting others just the same. Indeed the greatest imperfection, perhaps the only one, is judgment of imperfection itself. Even judgment of judgment is a mistake.

There’s that old saying, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” In separation there will be mistakes, deficiencies and plain old differences, but that is inherent in a world created out of our imperfect conception of ourselves and of reality. Yet the divine self, the true nature of our being in spirit, is unconcerned with the external time and space manifestations of separation. It concerns itself with its own inner state, which it maintains according to truth, and the reality of Oneness. When we attune to that and cease judgment we have eliminated that much more “evil” (non-love, non-truth, separation-thinking) from the world.

So what do you do? Experience. See and observe and feel without condemnation. Then you are a peaceful presence, rather than going around and striking others with your opinions or flagellating yourself silently as if that would impress anyone you would want to impress. You are now free and so are they; free from the battery of judgment you have endured for so long.

(Note: I was at a gathering a while back and a woman across the room whom I hadn’t met yet glanced at me and I felt her judge me for some reason. It actually felt like I had been batted in the head with a pillow! So you see, when you judge, you actually do impact others with subtle energy. It can also reinforce in others subconsciously that they are in an unloving world and that there is something wrong with them. Haven’t we had enough of that?)

When you were in school I’m sure you wanted good friends; people who didn’t judge you, because it felt good to be accepted for who you were. When others or your parents differed in their opinions of how you were living your life or judged you for some reason it didn’t feel good. You wanted to be accepted. Unfortunately we are taught to try to win acceptance by conforming, and oddly, sometimes that conformity is manifested by joining in the judgment and non-acceptance of self and others. Accepting judgments and feeling bad about your self or resentful are part of this as well. We are taught to seek acceptance but not to give it. This is the error of the world run by ideas of separation.

Remember that the world is backwards from spirit. We put the cart before the horse – before the engine of manifestation – which is our own spirit. Thus, if you want to be accepted you must accept others and self. Ego tries to get stuff for itself first. “I want to be accepted” it says, but really one best dwells on “I treasure the feeling of being accepted so I will accept myself and share that treasure by accepting others as they are.” Thus you center in your spirit, your own true state, without seeking something from others in time/space that you can create within yourself and share with everyone.

Also note that you can make choices without the condemnation sort of judgment. This is an important distinction. To observe that someone is living a negative pattern is not condemnation, and not judging doesnt mean you aren’t observing when it’s not good to be involved with that person in some way. Non-judgment is also a matter of remembering that each person has been through experiences that they didn’t have the tools to handle with grace and come away without being negatively shaped by them. And that you are the same in that respect. It also means that in loving them as they are without condemnation AND with choice will remove from their lives and the world the “abuse” that is condemnation and will aid them, others and you in rising even higher and with greater ease.

With no bargain to make, no compromise or sale necessary, you find you already have the greatest treasure: self-acceptance and non-judgment of others as your core of character. Your life is wrapped in the warm blanket of love and radiates peace and kindness toward all. This is heaven on Earth.

Finding Divine Purpose in Alcoholism, Etc.

Eric J Tischler — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:33:09 +0000

When you are in a relationship with an alcoholic or anyone exhibiting unhealthy behaviors, your primary task is to heal yourself. Yes, it is totally valid to want to heal another, but you need to be aware of the whole picture. His (or her) behavior is in your life for a spiritual purpose. That doesn’t mean it should be left alone and not dealt with, but rather that the arena of healing is not just in him, but in you. He is in your life as as divine stimulation for your issues and to awaken real love in place of codependency. Thank him inwardly for it and inwardly say “I free you not to change until I learn my lesson.” Mean it and you will make huge progress.

One of my core teachings is that all negative emotion is an attempt to get something from others. Put kindly, it is a leftover from our infancy when we cried and fussed to get what we wanted because that was all we knew how to do. We were indeed dependent and helpless then, but as adults we must put that away and turn to action. As SPIRITUAL adults we must next learn to do the inner work/play to create what we want. That means meditation, forgiveness, love, compassion, letting go, accepting self and others as is while doing what is appropriate to maintain balance and function.

Again, all negative emotion is about trying to get something from someone else. It operates in separation rather than Oneness, which works via vibration of consciousness. This is embodied in what is called manifesting or the law of attraction. When you try to change another by mere material world action you are fighting separation, but vibrational changes in your own consciousness circumvent the idea/domain of separation and operate in the Oneness from which all manifestation arises. Then you have no one to fight, beg, manipulate, appease, avoid, bargain with or hate. And there is no one to condemn. All behaviors you experience anywhere are matters of your own consciousness and not of others. You have no bothers outside yourself, and all your solutions are within.

The process of shifting from material avenues to vibrational/spiritual avenues is aided by disciplines that help change your brain – literally. To aid you in the overall process of spiritual growth I suggest meditation in particular. That will train your mind/brain to function on higher paths and enable you to be more peaceful, etc. Remember that meditation is also a form of exercise and just like any physical practice it may take time to build your meditation muscles. Like in learning anything, you literally grow new brain connections and even cells when you practice something so your brain can support it, and if you can do it just weakly at first you can get stronger, so have faith and keep at it. Acorns don’t give up because the aren’t oak trees yet, but they know they qualify and won’t consider anything else.

Another thing you have to be mindful of with a person participating in addiction is that his social life is likely tied into his vice. That will be a major challenge to overcome. Drug addicts and criminals backslide if they don’t change their social patterns. For some it means never associating with other users, but for others it means a firm spiritual change and resolution. He won’t be able to hang out in the pubs or bars or with friends while they are drinking. He will need to socialize with his friends in a different way, away for alcohol, or make other friends. He needs to understand that this is okay, and to understand that however much he cares about his friends, a toxic element in his life is poison to him and those he loves. Love them, leave them and know there are other people who will be wonderful friends who aren’t drinkers. Toxic is toxic.

There are absolute values – vibrationally speaking. That doesn’t mean we condemn those toxic things, but rather simply see toxic is not what we want and could never be. And as I state here, while this is a toxic behavior, the whole point of it is not merely to stamp it out but to clear out the other toxins, which are of our own consciousness – condemnation, unforgiveness, material attachments, the use of any sort of negativity to change your life or the life of another. All material toxins in your life – including the people in your life – arise from spiritual errors in your own consciousness. Clear them out and you will see your life and those around you rise with you.

Also, the alcoholic or any person in a harmful pattern needs to really grasp the low value of that behavior regardless of what others want from them or what they think they are getting out of it. They also have to decide they want something better and won’t compromise. Caring for others and self is critical in that decision. The universal law is that giving is receiving and receiving is giving. When they can quit drinking because they both care about others and themselves too much, then they will get progress in the process and gain traction. They have to have a reason, and giving out of spiritual love (not “if you love me you will…” but “because I love/value/care I won’t do that anymore”), both to self and others, and in freedom, is the most powerful motivator.

The power of acceptance and forgiveness are enormous. The earth turns on them, and could grind to a halt without them. How to accept? How to forgive? Abandon blame and judgment as a tool to get. Rather, receive by vibration. Just forgiving and accepting others as they are is itself a massive vibrational shift, and often that is all that is needed to create change, but do it not merely to make a change but because you mean it, because the flaw that needs to be fixed is not the external (materialistic) thing but the inner spiritual error of not forgiving and accepting. Look at the outer flaw as merely an indicator, stimulation, for pointer to the next spiritual “cleanup” for your own inner workings. Bless it and thank God that this has come to you so you can attain your most precious desire, which is expression of Spiritual Truth, love and peace in this world.

The core of the whole situation is the inner, spiritual process you are there for. Whatever this is about, the inner solutions to your ego consciousness are the whole point of the matter. This focus is the difference between materialism, which is trying to change the outer due to person to person desires, and spiritual practice, which is all about you changing your consciousness regardless of the supposedly proper outer outcome you might desire or get.

Remember you are not here to change him but to serve Truth through your own growth in your relationship with him. If it is indeed in the cards to bring him out of alcoholism, then it will happen, but your experience, whatever that will be, is cued directly out of your own consciousness and lesson needs. If ultimately you “fail” to bring him out of alcoholism but succeed in your own lessons and growth, then that is a total success. You must be willing for that to happen, as if he has chosen to remain that way – perhaps for the larger purpose of later being a motivation for others to come – then love him despite it, even if you have to go your own way personally or professionally. You don’t have to prove yourself by fixing him. Let go of that. The whole point of your existence is love and other aspects of spiritual truth.

Note: Alcoholism is a big issue, especially when the body and mind have been conditioned to it for so long, but it’s not necessarily difficult to overcome – for both of you. ACIM says, “Nothing is difficult that is wholly desired.” Yet beware of fix-him-ism. Don’t be attached to changing the other person. Rather, desire greater wellness in all the world, and build it through your own spiritual process.

Get and read a book called Co-Dependent No More by Melodie Beattie, and/or other books by the same author or other books recommended on co-dependency. You will be amazed at the pervasiveness of co-dependency.

The Meaning of The Time Traveler’s Wife Movie

Eric J Tischler — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:18:42 +0000

Some people are not easily convinced the movie or TV industry has any light in it at all, but you have to realize that what some call God is in everything, and it can use everything to communicate meaning and messages. The movies and even television shows are written by people who are often quite intuitive in their creativity. Thus, a lot of very deep messages are presented to the multitudes through even very commercialized movies. The messages reach those it is intended for, even those who are not especially conscious, and plants seeds of growth, opens doors to wisdom and meaning.

I was very impressed by The Time Traveler’s Wife. It’s production quality was great and the story moved along beautifully, keeping you in suspense all the way. You get to see the evolving relationship between the two main characters and the complications his “ailment” causes. But let me tell you, this is not just some fanciful quasi sci-fi film about a man who can travel through time. It’s not about that at all. It’s a huge and beautiful and blatant metaphor for the primary ailment of mankind: not being in the present moment.

Sorry, but I don’t remember the character’s names, but the guy has this allegedly genetic problem that causes him to disappear from the present where he lives and appear, in all his naked glory, somewhere else in the past or future. And as the wife says, “it’s a problem.” What couple – or any person – hasn’t had problems based on issues from their own or their spouse’s past experiences. One of those significant events comes to mind and you just aren’t here and now. The past rises up and affects you in ways that mess up the current situation in some big or little way. This is a very common situation for everyone, regardless of being in a relationship or not. “Past-itis” is a burden most people carry around with them constantly, and it pollutes the present moment continually.

Or your dreams and hopes and ambitions for the future take you away from being in the present, being with your family, or from attending to things in the now that need attention. You work too much to make a nest egg for the future and miss out on your children growing up, or just don’t make time to enjoy yourself and your mate now. You try to change yourself to be something but there’s no acceptance of yourself in the present moment, and so your present moment is stunted with this subtle unforgiveness and can’t change. You aren’t here with yourself. You aren’t here with those who need you to just be, and aren’t being what you need to be most.

So what do you do? How do you keep from time-travelling? In the movie there is a little girl who tells the main character how to control it. I won’t give it away, but essentially what she says means to be happy. Of all the Guidance I’ve experienced the most prevalent counsel I receive is “Be Happy.” Look at your life and find ways to be happy in the now and to be happy about the past so you don’t revisit it and abandon your post in the present moment. If you are unhappy about events in the past you will be drawn back to them and bring up your reactions to them in the present moment, burying the now in a pile of rotting history. Look at those events in a different way. Maybe it’s just being happy they are over. But go deeper if you can. And find ways to forgive and leave them behind, to move on in peace. Your grievances is grief and that is never happiness and will keep you travelling and absent from those you love in the now.

And in the present moment, if you are not happy with it and don’t find a way to be at peace with it, even as you make appropriate efforts to improve your life, you will tend to leave the now and either revisit better times in the past or daydream yourself into some future time with fantasies of things that may never come. Or if you are a pessimist you may wander off into a negative future that doesn’t suit your desires and bring even that imagined grief down on yourself and those around you in the present moment, spoiling it for them as well. That is not what you want, but that is what you have been doing. It’s just not healthy or safe to wander away through time.

So what’s so great about the now? Peace. As you see in the movie, the past is a rather hazardous place. The wife says to a doctor something like, “He has to be able to run, to get away.” When he travels in time he arrives there stark naked, and never know where he will be. And that is what happens when you time travel because of your issues. You are not clothed in the present moment. You arrive there stripped of everything useful, vulnerable and suspected by all. But when you are in the present you have everything you need. You are in your home environment with those you love.

Being consistently in the now is a sign you have healed and are balanced. When you are here and now, as I explained above, you are here because you are at peace and not running off to the past or present to complain or dream of other times. Being here and now is a sign you are wise enough to forgive what was and is, and to find a way to enjoy what you have, or at least look at it with kind and insightful eyes. So it’s essential to change how you look at everything so you can enjoy the now.

Look at your life with a determination to heal your view and perception of it. Time travelling is a sign of grievance, of complaint, and complaint is not remedy. If there is something that bothers you, find a positive remedy for it in the now. If you can take some action then do so, but also be willing for that action to be nothing more than forgiveness. It will always start with forgiveness. When you forgive you are not complaining, not grieving and that leaves only happiness, which will enable you to stay in the now.